


Happy Ending

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [69]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Break Up, Eventual Loki/Tony Stark, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Apart, Happy Ending, Healing, Heartbreak, Jealousy, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, No cheating, Ouch, POV Outsider, POV Pepper Potts, Pain, Pining Loki (Marvel), Pining Pepper Potts, Post-Break Up, Protective Loki (Marvel), Regret, Sad Ending, Self-Sacrifice, Talking, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Unreliable Narrator, Worried Pepper Potts, if you're Pepper, if you're Tony or Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25627663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Pepper knows that Tony's not happy with her. She knows she has to let him go.That doesn't mean it's easy watching him find happiness with someone else.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: Going Down Swinging [69]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1330490
Comments: 63
Kudos: 273





	Happy Ending

**Author's Note:**

> Update on the note I left on Uncharted; I'm still not able to write, but a cast came off this week so. No promises but it's at least a step in the right direction. At this rate I should be writing by like. November. That's the goal xD  
>   
> This one is based on [this song. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0KgE11NUBU)  
>   
> **Prompt** — _“I just really miss talking to you.”_

Pepper thought that she had found her happily ever after.

Tony made her smile– he always had, ever since they had first met. He made her laugh, he made her cry, he made her _feel_ more than she ever had with anyone before and more than she knew she would feel with anyone else ever again.

But Tony… didn’t feel that way about her.

She wasn’t sure when she first realised it– it was more of a gradual progression than any one incident, a series of moments where she noticed that she and Tony were slowly starting to grow apart.

He had always spent a lot of time in the workshop, that wasn’t anything strange– but when they first got together, he would at least make the effort to come to bed each night at a reasonable time, curling up behind her and holding her close.

Of course, on the nights he had nightmares, he would pull away so that they weren’t touching, preferring to be alone. And that was _fine_ , because it was normal, and because in the morning he would greet her with a smile. But then, as time passed, he began to go to the workshop when he woke screaming in the night, using his anger and fear and frustration to fuel his inventions rather than a restless sleep.

It was worrying, because Pepper knew that it couldn’t be healthy. She wondered if maybe, he was worried about _her_ , not wanting to wake her up or bother her with his problems. She knew that it was something he struggled with– he didn’t like to share what he saw in his dreams, because he didn’t want her to think about all of the things he had been through. He was always trying to _protect_ her, always doing his best to keep her safe from even the demons inside his own mind.

But she didn’t _need_ to be coddled– she loved him, and she could not be scared away by a nightmare.

So, one night when she woke up to a cold bed and twisted sheets, Pepper pulled on a nightgown and went to find him– and she found him not alone, but in the arms of someone else.

It was a surprise for both of the parties who were aware of her interruption. Loki had appeared startled when he saw her, glancing up with eyes wide from where he had been cradling Tony close, the both of them pressed together on the ratty couch in the corner of the workshop, Tony with his head buried against Loki’s shoulder. In fact, Loki almost looked like he was expecting a reprimand, but Pepper merely offered him a soft smile and headed back up to the penthouse.

After all, it was clear that Tony needed the support, and if he could not take it from her, then she was glad he had found it in a friend.

Of course, she _was_ a little hurt that Tony would accept comfort from Loki and not her, when she should be Tony’s first port of call– but she _understood_ , and she refused to allow herself to become bitter over it.

After all, Loki had been through a lot more than Pepper had, his own experiences more closely aligned to Tony’s than Pepper’s ever could be. He was able to empathise on more levels than one, and perhaps the fact that they fought together allowed Tony to be able to trust Loki’s touch when he was locked into his flight or fight mode.

But, as time went on and Tony continued to go to the workshop after a nightmare, Pepper began to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with _her_.

She knew that Tony trusted her– he would take items from her hands, he slept beside her without hesitation, and… well, he’d given her his whole company, hadn’t he? And she even knew that Tony loved her, because of the way he would draw her in close, holding her gently like she was something to be treasured. He would smile when he saw her, that smile which had made her feel warm ever since she had first seen it all those years ago– although of course, she had long since become an expert at keeping her own reaction to it hidden.

So, yes, she could have dealt with the nightmares, she could have continued as they were, even with the way that he was seeking comfort from Loki. But… it wasn’t _just_ the nightmares. There were moments where she began to not understand him the way she used to, where she would need to ask for clarification– or worse, the moments where she didn’t think she needed to, but then would find out much later that she was wrong. And Tony was spending more and more time away from her, more time in the workshop, more time as Iron Man and less in her arms.

There was no _reason_ for it, and it was that, more than anything else, that really began to sting. Because if there wasn’t a reason, then she couldn’t _fix_ it.

So, almost desperately, she began to hope that there was something. Anything. Maybe she was being too pushy, too clingy, too _worried_. Maybe he just needed his space, or maybe he wanted someone who didn’t spend so much time working. But everything she thought of just seemed less likely than the last, and Pepper knew that that the only way to understand for _sure_ would be to ask.

It was the oldest story in the book, the hardest thing that she had ever had to do– the hardest thing that anyone could _ever_ do.

And, yet. It was the easiest thing in the world.

Because Pepper loved Tony more than anything, and she wanted nothing more than for him to live his life to the fullest.

So it was that she walked into the workshop one lunchtime to speak to Tony, wearing her game-face and water-proof mascara. She wasn’t surprised to find Loki there, like he so often was these days. Pepper quite liked him, despite his past– the mischief god was sharp witted and more than a match for Tony, though he was always polite and entirely courteous whenever he spoke to her.

Loki was the only one to look up as she entered the room. Pepper tried not to let that sting. 

“Do you mind if I steal Tony for a moment?” Pepper asked him, keeping her voice bright and cheerful.

“Of course,” Loki replied, his smile a little tight at the lost moments with his friend. Pepper knew why, of course, because she had seen the lingering looks, the touches that lasted a little longer than they should, the soft smiles that Loki never seemed to share with anyone other than his _Anthony_. But… Pepper had never minded, because she knew Tony, and she knew that he would never hurt her like that.

And, despite everything, she didn’t think Loki would either– if only for Tony’s sake than for anything else. She couldn’t blame Loki for how he felt.

She understood, after all, what it was to love Tony Stark. 

Tony finally glanced up at the sound of Loki’s voice, looking first to his friend and then following his gaze to Pepper.

“Pep!” he exclaimed, his tone bright.

“I shall speak to you later, Anthony,” Loki said, his hand brushing Tony’s shoulder in a light touch.

“Okay,” Tony agreed. “Don’t forget, though, we need to see if this tech will work alongside your magic. I’m not letting you get out of it.”

“I would never even dream of trying.”

Loki’s smile as he left in a shimmer of green magic was far warmer than it had been when he smiled at Pepper. Tony watched him go, and waited for the last of the emerald sparks to dissipate before turning to her.

“Hey Pep,” Tony greeted again, pushing away from the bench and standing up, wiping his hands with a rag to make sure that they were clean before turning to face her properly. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to talk to you,” Pepper said, smiling at his antics despite the nervousness of what she had come to ask. “Do I need a reason?”

“Usually, yeah,” Tony said, flashing a grin as if he had just told a joke. And, rather than making her want to laugh along with him, it only made her own smile fall away. Tony didn’t see it, perhaps because he was simply caught in the _easy_ , in the _normal_ that they had managed to find. It was a routine, it was expected, and– well, while all of those things made troubles difficult to spot, they were also not the solid building blocks of what a relationship should be. 

Pepper knew that she had fallen into it as well. She supposed the whole world had expected them to get together, Tony Stark and the amazing Pepper Potts– you never see one without the other close behind. They had been a pair for years before they had become a couple, and it had been the easiest thing to simply fall into being with each other romantically. But when Pepper looked at Tony now, she saw the same smile that she had for years and years– the smile Tony used with a close friend. Which, of course, was special itself, but it did not hold anything that was _more_ than that. It was soft and affectionate, but not tender.

Perhaps she was reading too much into it. Perhaps there really was nothing wrong, perhaps nothing had changed because they had been so close as to be almost a couple already. They say that you’re supposed to marry your best friend, right?

So… maybe, she thought, just _maybe_ everything was fine.

But Pepper knew Tony better than that.

Tony loved like a hurricane, sweeping everything in his path with the force of his feeling. And he _felt_ more deeply than Pepper had ever thought possible, pouring every inch of himself into his passions. But he wasn’t like that with her.

And so, instead of bringing her peace or reassurance, Tony’s smile instead steeled her nerve, and gave her the confidence she needed to do what she had to.

“Actually,” she said, and almost winced when Tony’s lips quirked up again in that _I knew it_ grin. “I do want to ask you something.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

“Tony,” Pepper said, feeling every heavy thump of her heart as loud as her own words. “Are you happy?”

And Tony’s brow creased, as if he were confused by the question. “About what?” he asked.

“Just in general, I suppose,” she responded, even though that wasn’t what she was asking at all. “With life. I just… I need to know that you’re happy.”

Tony’s frown only deepened, and he raised his hand to cup Pepper’s cheek, brushing his thumb just below her eye– where she knew that dark shadows had sat for days. He probably hadn’t noticed until that very moment.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worried about _her_ too much to be concerned with answering her question.

And that had always been the conundrum, hadn’t it? The great paradox of Tony Stark. He didn’t quite get people– not in the way that most did. He had always been able to manage better with machines than with living breathing beings, and he knew it well enough that he attempted to use his intellect to compensate. So then, he would notice little things that no one else would, coming to _know_ a person better than anyone else ever could without truly understanding them. It was how he could know that Pepper took her coffee with milk and one sugar, that she _hated_ watching morning news programs, and that she always needed distracting on the 6th of August but at the same time not have a single clue about her allergy to strawberries, or ever be able to remember her birthday.

And Tony cared, oh he _cared_ more deeply than anyone else, so when he found something that he believed was important, or when he thought something was wrong– he would work at it with everything that he was.

And as he stood there, having ignored her question about himself because he was worried about _her_ , Pepper knew that she would have to push.

“I’m just tired,” she told him. “Tony… please. I’m asking about you.”

“You don’t need to worry about me, Pep,” Tony said, smiling softly and letting his arm fall, shoving both of his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I’m always fine.”

“Fine isn’t _happy_ ,” Pepper insisted. Then, realising that she was beginning to get worked up, she drew in a deep breath to calm herself. She had every reason to be upset in this moment, of course she did– but Tony didn’t know that. Not yet.

He just thought that there was something wrong, and he was going to try everything he could to fix it– not realising that Pepper was just about to crush him in a way that would be difficult to recover from.

She _knew_ Tony, and she knew that whether he loved her or not– this was going to shatter him beyond measure. 

“Pepper… are _you_ happy?” Tony asked warily.

And there he went again– worrying about _her_. She gave an incredulous sigh, and when she answered, she chose her words with care.

“Tony, being with you has made me happier than I have ever been,” she said, making sure to infuse her words with as much truth as she could. “You have brought me more joy than I ever could have asked for. I love you, and I think that I always will.” She felt her voice begin to tremble at the end there, and she knew that Tony noticed it as well.

“Why…” Tony tilted his head, something _afraid_ entering his expression, and Pepper knew that he was starting to understand. “Why do I get the feeling that there’s a ‘but’ coming?” he asked. He was smiling again, trying to turn it into something he could deal with by using his humour.

“Because…” Pepper swallowed, knowing that this would not go over well. But she had run out of anything else to say. “Because I don’t think you’re as happy with me as I am with you.”

“You can’t make that decision for me,” Tony said immediately, his voice almost pleading _already_. “Pepper… I am happy with you, I have _always_ been happy with you—”

“I know,” Pepper said, her own voice as gentle as she could manage. “But Tony… that’s the problem. I don’t… I don’t want you to think about how things have always been. Tony, when I’m with you, how do I make you feel? Has that changed, over time?”

“Of course you make me happy,” Tony said– and it wasn’t lost on her that he hadn’t answered her question. “Pep, honey, I’m always happier when you’re in the room—”

“And is that any different than how I made you feel before we were together?” Pepper asked. She waited a moment, took in Tony’s startled expression and gave him a moment to process that before she continued. “Is it any different to the way _I_ made _you_ feel before you realised that you had feelings for me?”

Tony still did not respond– and Pepper knew that it wasn’t because he didn’t have an answer. He was just afraid of the answer he knew to be true.

“That’s why I have to let you go,” Pepper said. “Tony… there’s something better out there for you. This isn’t what a happy ending is supposed to feel like.”

“But… I love you,” Tony whispered, his eyes watery, his brow creased, his lips parted. He looked so horribly _broken_ , and Pepper wanted nothing more than to gather him in her arms and hold him close, to promise that she was never going to leave and that she would love him forever.

But she knew that would only be a Band-Aid on a bullet hole, a quick fix that would rot and fester underneath until everything was only a whole lot worse. Staying with Tony would be nothing more than a cruelty to them both.

“I know,” Pepper told him, struggling to keep her tears at bay. “But you’re going to be all right, you’re going to be _fine_.”

There was that word again, the one that never meant what it was supposed to.

Because… yes. Pepper was _fine_ , too.

“Nothing is going to be all right,” Tony said. “I don’t– Pep, we can fix this, we can _make this_ better, we’ll work it out—”

“No, Tony, there is no happy ending for us,” Pepper said, trying to smile but only managing to cause her lips to tremble. “But maybe we’ll be able to find one, further down the track. With someone else.”

“There’s no happy ending for me without you,” Tony told her, the words little more than a rasp.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Pepper promised. “We’ll still be friends, we’ll still live the rest of our lives.”

“Yeah,” Tony whispered. “Just… not together.”

And it was that moment which _broke_ her.

“Oh, Tony,” she said, feeling the tears prickle at her eyes, feeling the pain of her shattered heart as it beat far too hard and far too fast, and yet at the same time it seemed to be curling in upon itself, hiding away and growing small. She felt hot from the pain and yet cold from the emptiness, and she had no one to blame.

She could not even blame _herself._

“It’s going to be okay,” she said. “It just… we just need time.”

Tony didn’t respond to that. He looked distant, like he was no longer quite there– like she hadn’t only torn out his heart, but his soul as well.

Pepper couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. She merely _ran,_ backing away and leaving Tony alone. She made it to the elevator before the pain became too much to bear, and she slid down against the wall until her head was pressed against her knees.

She was grateful that JARVIS kept the doors closed, the lights on, and that he didn’t ask any questions. He just let her mourn– for the lost relationship, for Tony’s pain, for her love, for what might have been.

After a few minutes, JARVIS started to play some music– quietly at first, and then a little louder so that she could hear it properly. It was something classical that she couldn’t put a name to. It was slow and soothing, and Tony would have hated it.

It was that thought which made her look up, her gasping sobs turning into something that she could manageably talk through.

“JARVIS?” she asked, not caring that her voice was hoarse, that she sounded like a wreck. “Will you contact Rhodey? I think Tony is going to need… someone.”

“He is not alone, Ms Potts,” JARVIS promised. “Mr Liesmith is comforting him.”

 _Loki_. Of course.

Pepper wasn’t sure whether she should laugh or continue to cry– because Loki, of course, had been in love with Tony for months.

Perhaps he would be happy about this, perhaps he would see it as an opportunity.

Somehow though, she didn’t think he would, because… Loki really _did_ love Tony, and despite the stories she had heard about how manipulative he could be, Pepper didn’t think that he would try to take advantage of Tony’s grief like that.

Loki was more than likely to share in Tony’s pain, to feel his ache as his own, just as Pepper was now.

And as much as that hurt… Pepper was just glad that Tony had a friend to lean on, someone to hold him together when she had so cruelly torn him apart.

—

Going back to her old apartment after calling the penthouse home for so long was just as difficult as she had expected it would be. She had kept it for storage, having enough money to pay the rent without needing to worry. Lucky that she had, because she had not thought this through at all, had not made any plans. After all, Pepper had never expected things to go this way, had never expected things to end at all, let alone that she would be the one to end it. She had not begun to even think about collecting her things from Avengers Tower, but there was enough left at her old apartment that she would be able to get by.

Thankfully, Natasha retrieved Pepper’s things for her, collecting everything Tony had designated as hers and bringing it to Pepper’s apartment in boxes. When Pepper saw that she had ended up with plenty of things that she _knew_ weren’t hers, things that had had been in the penthouse from before she had moved in– well, at first she had smiled fondly, thinking that Tony had simply made a mistake, hadn’t known which things he’d bought himself and which he hadn’t.

It would have been such a Tony thing to do, after all—

But then she noticed a pattern.

It was the coffee machine that tipped her off, because Tony adored that thing. But it was the machine that he had used to make _her_ a coffee, on the days where he was up and moving and not in the workshop at the time that she would normally get up. Then there was the potted plant that she always made sure had water while Tony left it to wilt, the side-table that she liked to use for her mug and her bookmark when she was reading. The sheets that had covered the bed, the lamp that she used to read and that Tony had always said made her hair shine a brighter red– and even an overly large Metallica T-shirt that she had slept in more than a few times.

The items were not mistakes.

They were all things that reminded him of her.

_Oh, Tony._

It had been almost a week– _only_ a week. Of course he was still hurting, that should not have been a surprise. She herself had said that it would take time.

But she had just been so focused on Tony that she hadn’t prepared herself for how much this would hurt _her_.

And looking at all those items, all those things that should have been her life with Tony was like owning a box of her own pain. It was too much to bear, and she decided, in the end, that she would do as it seemed Tony had.

She would throw it all away and start afresh, because as much as she wanted to hold on to the memory of what they had, the reminders were just too painful to keep.

Moving _on_ was too much to ask, but perhaps, if she was strong, she could keep moving forward.

Pepper could have loved Tony forever, and now… as Tony had said, they would live the rest of their lives. Just not together.

—

Pain like that doesn’t just go away.

She tried, oh, did she try. She redecorated her apartment, she threw herself into her work. She went out with her friends who held her close, and she tried to keep going.

But… whatever she did, Pepper felt like she was wasting away, like she was going through the motions but she wasn’t really _there_.

And if she wasn’t wasting, then every single day certainly was. Because she would wake up and go to work, and sign her papers and come home and eat and sleep and… and what was the point of it all? What was the point of coming home, when it wasn’t to his smile?

She was left with no love, no hope, no glorious brightness of life. Everything was more difficult to bear, now that she was doing it alone.

It was those sorts of thoughts, in the end, as well as the encouragement of Natasha that helped her decide that she needed to face everything head on. Because she _wasn’t_ moving forward, not really, and the only thing left to try was to stop avoiding it all.

Still, despite her resolve, it took more courage than she thought she had to go back to the top of the tower. She took precautions, of course– she made sure that she had an excuse prepared should she need to leave early, which could double as a reason not to stay for a difficult conversation. And the fact that she felt the need to do such a thing to visit the place where she had once been more comfortable than anywhere else in the world was more heartbreaking than almost anything else.

Natasha offered to go with her, but Pepper decided to go alone. She didn’t think that it would be fair to Tony, if she brought someone else along. So she promised that she would see Natasha straight afterward, and then she took the elevator for the familiar ride up to the penthouse.

Pepper asked JARVIS to let Tony know that she was coming, only to learn that JARVIS had already done so.

And once again, JARVIS said, “Mr Stark is not alone, Ms Potts.”

She wasn’t sure whether it was meant as a warning or a reassurance, because she wasn’t sure whether that made things better or worse.

When she took her first few tentative steps into the penthouse it was to find Tony sat stiff on the couch, and Pepper was once again unsurprised to find that it was Loki on the cushion beside him. Tony was staring down at his hands, but Loki’s piercing green gaze was on her, cutting deep and promising retribution for what she had done.

She hadn’t quite been expecting that, but she supposed that it made a certain amount of sense. And it made her… _glad_ , because it reassured her that Loki truly did care for Tony, that he put Tony’s happiness above his own.

“Tony,” Pepper greeted, her voice soft. She didn’t ask him how he had been– the dark shadows under his eyes were more than enough of an answer. She was grateful, though, that he appeared to be sober, and she whispered a little prayer to the god responsible under her breath.

Tony didn’t reply to her greeting– he merely watched her as she stepped closer, his arms wrapping around his chest as if he needed to physically hold himself together.

Pepper drew in a deep breath. “I need you to sign these,” she said, holding out the pile of documents she had under her arm.

“You could have sent up a courier for that,” Loki said, his voice a little harsh– but he calmed the moment that Tony pinned him with a stare. The pair did not say anything. It seemed that Loki understood Tony more than Pepper had ever been able to, for he gave Tony a nod and leaned back into the couch as if an entire conversation had taken place.

And then Tony was on his feet, but rather than taking the documents from her hands, he picked up a pen from the coffee table and then stepped straight past her to sit at the bar. He didn’t meet her gaze– he simply fiddled with his pen and stared down at the surface before him, waiting.

The realisation hit her like a knife to the chest, and it very nearly buckled her knees. But she stayed strong as she too crossed the room, and tried to keep her eyes dry as she placed the documents down beside him like she had watched so many others do in the past– so many others, but never her.

He slid the papers toward himself and looked them over before signing his name, and the moment that was done he left them where they were, going back to the couch and picking up a book from the side table to bury his nose in. It did not look like something she thought Tony would read– in fact, she would have been willing to place money on the fact that it was Loki’s.

She made no comment though, knowing that he was more than deserving of his distractions. Feeling stiff and awkward and unwelcome in what had once been her home, Pepper collected the signed papers and moved toward the elevator, not quite able to make her lips form the shape of a goodbye.

But before she could get there Loki stopped her, standing in her way with his harshest glare yet, something angry and hateful and… maybe with a bit of vulnerability to it, which only made it all the more deadly.

He was clearly about to give her a warning, or perhaps a threat. But Pepper stood tall and refused to let him intimidate her, knowing despite the mess inside of her heart that what _she_ had to say would undermine his argument.

“I know I don’t have to ask, because I know you will anyway,” she said quietly, too quietly for Tony to be able to hear. “But, please. Look after him.”

The way that Loki’s expression slackened might have been comical, had it not been such a serious moment. That small touch of vulnerability stretched out to cover everything else– but that only lasted a fraction of an instant before his eyes were burning with a fierce determination.

“I will,” he said firmly, sharply, _protectively_. “And _you_ will not hurt him again.”

Pepper could say or do nothing to that but try her best to give him a smile– though even that was not difficult.

She knew that Loki was telling the truth, that he would make sure Tony got through this and come out the other end intact.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Loki’s anger at her was what made this _easier_ , but knowing that Tony had someone who cared so much was enough that when she turned, it was with hint of a true smile playing at her lips, and there was not single lie in in her heart as she sincerely wished the god good luck.

—

The second time Pepper walked into the penthouse, a week after the first, she found Bruce making tea. He greeted Pepper with a sympathetic smile, and she noticed that he had a third mug on the bench, ready for her just in case it was wanted. She offered him a smile in return, but went to find Tony.

He wasn’t on the couch this time– he was in fact sat on the floor, a StarkPad on the coffee table and his tongue between his teeth as he answered an email.

Tony was not surprised to see her– JARVIS had warned him again, had made sure that he would not get caught by surprise. And this time, Tony actually looked up at her as she approached, his eyes following her movement even though his lips remained turned down.

It had been easier for her too, this time, because she knew what to expect, and no matter how bad it was that would always be better than _not_ knowing.

Tony still did not take the papers from her hands– and she was certain that he didn’t realise that he was doing it, because Tony wasn’t a spiteful person. He was just hurt.

Hurt, but getting better.

Slowly, surely piecing himself back together, perhaps a little better than she was.

And the third time that she visited, Tony was alone.

She had known, of course, that JARVIS had been sending for people to make sure that Tony would not need to be alone with her, because the last time they had been alone had probably been the last time that Tony smiled. So she wondered for a moment whether this time, she _had_ taken Tony by surprise, but he wasn’t shocked when he looked up to see her. He even had a mug on the table, with coffee just as she liked it.

“JARVIS told me that you have quite a few documents this time,” he said, and his voice was quiet but it wasn’t as pained as the last time she had heard it.

“Yes,” she told him, gesturing to the folder in her arms. She sat beside him at the bar – but not too close, not close enough to risk an accidental touch – and she placed it down for him to reach, just as she had the previous two times. It still stung, that he wouldn’t take it from her, but she understood.

“You know,” Tony said as he started to look through the first sheaf. “You don’t have to keep coming up here yourself. I know you’re the CEO and it’s my company, but. If you have something that needs to be signed… a courier really would do.”

The words stilled her breath, because she knew that he was right. She knew that there was no _reason_ for her to want to come up here, not anymore, and she really _didn’t_ need to bring the documents herself. Not even when there was such a hefty pile as this one.

“Pep?” Tony asked, worried by the silence.

And maybe then it was the use of the too familiar nickname – the nickname of a _nickname_. Or maybe it was the way that he still managed to care so very much about her wellbeing, even after all that she had done. Or maybe it was just the memory that made her press her hands to her mouth, feeling her eyes begin to sting as he squeezed them tightly shut, just barely holding in a whimper. She held on for dear life, pressing her hands to her face hard enough that she feared it might bruise. Tony remained silent, just letting her calm down in her own time– but that only hurt all the more.

Because once, he might have pulled her into his arms, and she had lost that now forever.

It was that thought which had her opening her eyes and whispering into her hands, because if she owed Tony anything, then she at least owed him the truth.

“If I use a courier, then I don’t have the excuse to see you. I just really miss talking to you,” Pepper whispered. When Tony glanced to her then, he looked so _wounded_ that Pepper almost couldn’t cope. “Sorry,” she said, shaking her head, breathing deep, using all the methods she knew to try and bring herself back to the present. “ _Sorry_. I’ll… I’ll send a courier next time. You don’t deserve this.”

She was almost ready to pack up, to leave the papers on the bar and to send someone else up to collect them later. But then Tony spoke, and his sad, defeated tone cut through her more sharply than something angry ever could have.

“You promised that we would still be friends,” Tony said. “You said that you weren’t going anywhere, but I hardly see you anymore.”

“We can’t just go back to what we were—”

“No, I know,” Tony said. “I know we can’t, and I don’t want to, anyway. I just… I don’t want to lose you entirely, and at the moment, I feel like it’s going that way.”

Pepper had to put her hands in her lap to stop them from twisting together, pressing them firm against her thighs.

It was a paradox, a horrible broken cycle, because she didn’t want to never see him again, but at the same time, being at his side was _painful_.

This was just enough, for now, because it meant that she could come with a purpose, could tell herself that she wasn’t being desperate or overbearing or that she wasn’t capable of letting go.

But… she knew that Tony was worth holding on to, because even if it hurt… 

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Pepper admitted. “But I thought that perhaps I already had.”

“Maybe, we could still try to be friends?” Tony asked. “I think maybe, I could…”

“I think maybe I could as well,” Pepper said.

They both knew that it was going to be hard, and that it would _hurt_.

But it was then that Pepper realised… she hadn’t been left with _nothing_. There was still a little bit of love here– not what they had thought, and not what either of them had hoped, but… perhaps enough that, given time, they could salvage something of a friendship.

And when Tony took the next document from her hands without a single speck of hesitation, Pepper felt her heart begin to thaw.

—

After their talk, things only changed in the sense that they were both _trying_. Tony met her gaze, and they both exchanged more words than they had in the past. Sometimes, Pepper met with Tony alone– others he would have company. Usually it would be Loki, with Bruce the second most frequent. She began to test the water and go to the penthouse for simple visits, without anything to sign, and slowly, _slowly_ , Tony started to be able to look at her without flinching, and she found that the visits began to hurt a little less.

It was still hard to see him so close and yet know that he was no longer _hers_ , but it was better than nothing.

And it was just after she had lost count of her visits, almost two months after the breakup that something shifted, a dynamic changed, and everything just began to feel a little more _hopeful_.

It began before she had even stepped out of the elevator, with a word of warning from JARVIS.

“I am not going to announce your presence, Ms Potts,” JARVIS said. “There is something that I think you would like to see.”

That piqued Pepper’s curiosity, and when the elevator doors opened, she stepped through them feeling almost _eager_. There was no longer any hesitation as she stepped into the penthouse, her heels clicking against the floors with the same confident steps that she was able to execute everywhere else. And when she stepped out into the open space and caught sight of the scene within, her breath caught in her throat, and she paused where she stood.

Because…

Tony was _smiling_.

The sight was almost surreal, something that she had _hoped_ for, but hadn’t thought she would see for some time yet. He had… seemed so _broken,_ so empty, and yet.

There he was.

He was standing behind the bar, with bottles and glasses spread absolutely everywhere, and Loki was standing at his side with a cocktail shaker in his hands. The god’s expression was incredibly focused, and his lips were moving slightly as he moved his hands up and down as if he were counting the number of shakes.

Then, as Pepper watched, Loki grinned triumphantly and opened the shaker, then poured its contents into a glass before offering the drink to Tony with a flourish.

Tony accepted it almost warily, but he still raised the glass to his mouth to take a tentative sip. Loki was clearly trying to put on a confident façade, but Pepper could see the way that his hands were wringing behind his back, clearly expecting a result along the lines of—

“I think you forgot something again,” Tony said, but even though his lips twisted into a grimace, the smile did not leave his eyes. “How can you be _so bad_ at this—”

“It is an art that I have yet to master, nothing more,” Loki replied, snatching the glass back from Tony, cleaning the shaker with a wave of his hand, and turning to start again. “I will not let it best me.”

And then, Tony began to laugh.

It was a small chuckle, light and carefree– the kind of laugh that Pepper hadn’t heard in far too long. Perhaps even more shockingly, neither of them seemed surprised by Tony’s happiness, and Pepper realised that this wasn’t a new thing– it was only new to her. Loki was making Tony smile with hardly any effort, helping him move past his pain and find something worth enjoying.

And the scene was so… simple, just a man teaching his friend how to mix drinks. There was nothing _special_ here, nothing more noteworthy than their simple enjoyment of each other’s company.

But even as Pepper had the thought, she knew that it was vastly incorrect. Because special was relative, and it was clear that to them – even if, perhaps, they didn’t realise it – the moment was as precious as could be.

She couldn’t bring herself to intrude, because she knew that to do so would mean wiping away Tony’s smile. So she walked back to the elevator in silence, a small smile of her own at the corners of her lips despite the ache of loss in her chest.

“Thank you, JARVIS,” Pepper said, leaning against the wall of the elevator. “For everything.”

“It’s my pleasure,” JARVIS replied, his voice gentle.

“I thought that you would be upset with me, for hurting him the way I did,” she admitted, opening her eyes and glancing curiously to the camera she knew was in the corner of the elevator. “Why weren’t you?”

“Because you did it with his best interests at heart,” JARVIS told her. “You hurt him, but now he has a chance at true happiness that he never had before. And for that, I think, I need to thank _you_.”

It was hard to feel proud of something that had hurt so very much, but Pepper still felt some level of comfort from JARVIS’ words.

She knew that he was talking about Loki, because the idea had crossed her own mind before as well, even if she had been quick to dismiss it. But Loki made Tony smile and even _laugh_ , and that was exactly what she had been hoping for. She hadn’t seen Tony laugh that way since… well, since long before she had broken his heart.

“I really do wish him well,” Pepper said, and she _meant_ it.

Because if there was a chance, because if Tony was _happy_ , then that meant she had made the right decision.

And if she had made the right decision, then maybe, just maybe, she would have the chance to find her happiness as well.

—

As time passed, wounds healed. They didn’t go away, and they certainly left scars, but there was something to be said about the soothing power of determination and stubbornness.

Pepper and Tony _wanted_ to be friends, and thus they made it so. They didn’t forget what had happened, and they didn’t shove it under a rug. They didn’t necessarily _talk_ about it more than they already had but the understanding was there, and they worked through the pain of what had transpired between them _together_.

But then… Pepper knew that Tony was beginning to leave her behind, that he was growing happier by the day, that he no longer needed support. He was moving _on_.

She couldn’t feel resentful for that, but it was hard to be pleased when it was clear that he was finding everything that he could ever want, while she was caught still yearning for the past.

It was heaven to watch Tony’s smile– but hell when she remembered that she would never again be the reason why it stretched across his face.

Unfortunately, though, Tony remained as annoyingly observant as ever, somehow managing missing the fact that his hair had been magically turned green but in the same morning managing to notice the way that Pepper’s smile was a little shaky when she arrived to see Tony and Loki playfighting in the kitchen with what looked like it was once supposed to have been cupcake batter. When he’d asked about it, even despite the moss coloured hair he had seemed so sincere, so worried about her.

And, really, there was only one answer that she was able to give.

“I’m fine, Tony,” Pepper promised– and it wasn’t hard to hold back the tears, when she knew that _he_ was happy with where he was. 

“Are you really fine?” Tony asked shrewdly. “Or are you—”

But as always, _fine_ remained a lie, and somehow, in the middle of her hope, everything only got worse.

—

It was a completely ordinary afternoon– a Wednesday, the middle of the week and yet somehow the work had already built up, and Pepper had gone up to the penthouse because she and Tony had a lot of stuff to get through before the shareholder meeting the next day.

They had gone into the rarely used dining room, and spread their papers all over the table. And they had worked well together, falling back into almost their old dynamic with only the small amount of remaining strain. Pepper felt happier than she had in so long, so sure that if she could at least have this, then the future didn’t look so dim after all.

They had been working for a long time when they decided to take a break, their heads pounding and their hands aching from too much in one go. Pepper offered to make a snack, and had gone to the kitchen to throw something together.

And oh, it felt so _good_ to be able to potter in Tony’s kitchen, pulling food from his fridge and knowing that she was welcome there. They really were working their way back to a place that was _good_ , so long as she was able to hide the way she still wished she could pull Tony into her arms. 

Tony wasn’t in the dining room when she returned with a plate of sandwiches, so she left the plate there and went looking. It had been over half an hour, after all, and they did need to get back to work.

She smiled fondly as she began her search, thinking how Tony must really be getting back to normal if he was trying to avoid work. She was still smiling as she turned a corner and stepped out into the living room—

And then she saw them, and her smile froze.

Tony and Loki leaning together on the couch, their faces so close, Tony’s arms looped over Loki’s shoulders and Loki’s hands at Tony’s waist.

They looked… so perfect together, with smiles so warm they seemed to brighten their whole faces, their bodies entangled and curled together so intimately and yet appearing so completely comfortable. There was a large book between them but neither were paying it any attention, their gazes only on each other. And then, as Pepper watched, Tony tilted up his chin and pressed his lips to Loki’s.

It was a chaste kiss, and short– little more than a simple brush of lips, though Pepper could see that it _meant_ a lot by the way they lingered, the way neither wanted to move away. She could also tell that this was not their first– they were too comfortable leaning against each other, their hands too sure as they glided over clothes and skin.

Loki’s touch was tender and reverent, and Tony… held Loki just the same. It was clear that they cared about each other with a devotion not many had the luck to share, and nothing had ever hurt more than to see the way Tony smiled as Loki’s mouth brushed along his ear. 

A soft cry pulled unbidden from Pepper’s lips, and she turned and fled before she could see them notice her. She knew that they must have– even if they were lost in each other, she knew that Loki, at least, had the reflexes of a predator.

She went straight for the elevator, not caring that she had left her papers in the dining room, not caring that she had no _right_ to be upset. The tears were already falling and she could hear footsteps behind her, but she made it to the elevator before Tony managed to catch up. But then, the doors would not open.

Pepper stared up at them in betrayal, wishing that JARVIS would just let her _go_ , because she couldn’t have this conversation. It was one thing to hope for Tony to be happy, but it was another thing entirely to sit back and _watch_.

But JARVIS would not budge, and Pepper was left standing still when Tony ran up to her with concern written all over his face.

“Are you okay?”

“Okay?” Pepper asked incredulously, shaking her head, already feeling the tears beginning to drop down her cheeks but not being able to bring herself to even wipe them away. “How can I be okay, when you…”

“When I what?”

She tried to say something, tried to come up with some excuse that wouldn’t hurt him. But the lies were stuck in her throat, everything becoming too much.

It seemed not to matter though, because Tony read the pain that was written all over her face.

“No,” he said– first stunned, and then _angry_. “Pepper, don’t do this to me. Not now, not when I think I might have found—”

“I can’t,” Pepper interrupted, her voice hitching. “I don’t want to, but this isn’t something that I can help, and I _can’t_ , just, please don’t tell me that you’ve—”

“Pepper, you left _me_ ,” Tony said desperately. “You were the one who told me that I had to leave, you broke my heart—”

“But not as harshly as I broke my own,” Pepper snapped back, and Tony flinched like he had been struck with a _whip_.

She knew, she _knew_ she wasn’t being fair. Because she _had_ been the one to break his heart, _she_ had made the decision. But she also knew that if she hadn’t, if they had just kept on going, Pepper would still be with Tony now. Tony might love like a hurricane but he was _loyal_ , and he—

He never would have been happy.

Pepper’s arms tightened around her chest unconsciously, a desperate attempt to hold herself together.

She knew she’d done the right thing– the _good_ thing.

But it _hurt_ , it hurt like a thousand shards of glass had been forced through her skin, like a vice was twisting around the tattered remains of her heart. Because seeing Loki make Tony laugh, knowing that it would never be her– it was an ache that would _never_ go away, and would never be anything that she could ever make better.

She wanted him to be happy, but. He wasn’t happy with _her_.

She felt like she was being tugged into a thousand different directions, stretched and pulled and _torn_ —

But. Tony _didn’t love her,_ she had _left,_ and there wasn’t anything that she could do to change that fact. And now, by wishing that she had held on, by reacting this way—

She was hurting Tony _again_.

In that moment, Pepper almost wished that Loki would come to take his promised retribution, to come and end this torment that she was going to have to face for _the rest of her life._

But Loki didn’t come– he didn’t _need_ to. Tony was more than capable of looking after himself.

“Pepper, I’m _happy,_ ” he said. “I’ve found it, I’ve found exactly where I want to be. And maybe I don’t know if this is forever, but I know that I _want_ it to be, and I know that right now, Loki does as well. So Pep… please. I meant what I said, I _don’t_ want to lose you, but if you make me choose…”

Tony trailed off, his expression harder than she had ever seen it before– and then, without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away.

Walked back to Loki.

Pepper closed her eyes, a breath which felt oddly final passing her lips. Her heart was broken, shattered, and yet… despite her own pain, she still found that she wished Tony only happiness.

She wished that she had been strong enough to tell him that.

And as JARVIS wordlessly brought the elevator down to the lobby, she wondered… if this would be the last time she’d ever find herself inside it, if she had finally taken a step too far.

But, if nothing else, this visit had proved one thing. Pepper couldn’t keep pretending any more, she couldn’t keep smiling.

This was the _rest of her life_.

She’d have to move on. This was a chapter that needed closing, a piece of her story she would never be able to go back to. She wished Tony well, she truly did. He had found _his_ happy ending, that fantastic phrase which, she knew, only meant a new beginning. Tony still had the rest of his story to live– Pepper just wouldn’t be able to stand by his side during it.

And unlike Tony’s, it was looking more and more like her story was left with no hope, no love—

No happy ending.


End file.
